When is Xtina going to start borrowing Cee lo's Crest White Strips??
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May 11, 2011
The Voice
I've started watching The Voice this week, and I've got one question so far.........
When is Xtina going to start borrowing Cee lo's Crest White Strips??
When is Xtina going to start borrowing Cee lo's Crest White Strips??
Feb 15, 2011
Toe Jam
Because this is exactly howI imagine pregnant women treating their feet..............
- Penny Eve
Feb 9, 2011
WHY THE POPE HATES ME
One thing I can recommend is that if you are headed to an out of town wedding of one of your best friends, you should probably try on your dress PRIOR to the night before the event. I learned this the hard way.
Sometime around midnight the night before, I tried on the dress I was planning on wearing to a spring, day time wedding in a Catholic church four hours away. Due to some "weight fluctuation issues" I couldn't fit into anything appropriate enough for said wedding. This little mishap required me to stop at the Devil's Haven (the mall) on the way out of town to buy a new freaking dress. As with most women, my "weight fluctuation issues" made it rather difficult to find a semi formal dress in under 15 minutes........so this task quickly turned into a fucking Super Market Sweep game at Macy's. I finally settled on a black lace over nude halter number, because - duh, it was a springtime day wedding at a Catholic church.
I had to change into the dress as we arrived in the city only to realize that I forgot to bring underwear. Yes, panties, underroos, skivies, britches. I didn't have them. One last stop at a random clothing store to purchase a teeny, tiny black lace thong and I was finally set. The thong was still in the bag with tags and although I frown against wearing anything before it is washed, I just had to hope for the best.
Frantic because the wedding was starting, I asked Tilda to come to the bathroom with me so I could pee & de-tag my new genital threads. The only bathroom we could find was in the bride's dressing room which was something like a nun's chambers or father's quarters. (I don't really recall, but it was most definitely some holy place with a toilet.) For the simple fact that it was me & Matilda we were already cracking up at something and there was lots of giggling and rushing around. I ran to the toilet with the bag in hand and pulled my dress up, popped a squat and finally got to pee. A lot.
It just wasn't feeling right when I looked down and saw that I had already put the thong on and how now peed through/on the stupid thing. I don't need to inform you that Tilda was laughing so hard she almost peed herself as well, because you should already be picking up on what I'm putting down. So now there I was, the wedding was starting and I've just peed through a lace strainer that I went out of my way to stop and purchase. I didn't have a back up pair of anything so I had no choice but to remove the thong and put it in the trashcan. The small, uncovered, probably gold with a cross trashcan that was in some sort of holy quarters.
We rushed into the chapel and I took a seat in the back. I thought the further away I was from the guy in the robe, the better I'd be. After all, I was sitting in the house of the Lord on a Saturday morning in the dead of spring with nothing on but an inappropriate dress and a smile.The wedding was beautiful and I'm not sure how many people other than Tilda and the bride know what happened. Well, besides God and the poor, poor person that found that peed up thong in the father's trashcan. Whoopsie!
Sometime around midnight the night before, I tried on the dress I was planning on wearing to a spring, day time wedding in a Catholic church four hours away. Due to some "weight fluctuation issues" I couldn't fit into anything appropriate enough for said wedding. This little mishap required me to stop at the Devil's Haven (the mall) on the way out of town to buy a new freaking dress. As with most women, my "weight fluctuation issues" made it rather difficult to find a semi formal dress in under 15 minutes........so this task quickly turned into a fucking Super Market Sweep game at Macy's. I finally settled on a black lace over nude halter number, because - duh, it was a springtime day wedding at a Catholic church.
I had to change into the dress as we arrived in the city only to realize that I forgot to bring underwear. Yes, panties, underroos, skivies, britches. I didn't have them. One last stop at a random clothing store to purchase a teeny, tiny black lace thong and I was finally set. The thong was still in the bag with tags and although I frown against wearing anything before it is washed, I just had to hope for the best.
Frantic because the wedding was starting, I asked Tilda to come to the bathroom with me so I could pee & de-tag my new genital threads. The only bathroom we could find was in the bride's dressing room which was something like a nun's chambers or father's quarters. (I don't really recall, but it was most definitely some holy place with a toilet.) For the simple fact that it was me & Matilda we were already cracking up at something and there was lots of giggling and rushing around. I ran to the toilet with the bag in hand and pulled my dress up, popped a squat and finally got to pee. A lot.
It just wasn't feeling right when I looked down and saw that I had already put the thong on and how now peed through/on the stupid thing. I don't need to inform you that Tilda was laughing so hard she almost peed herself as well, because you should already be picking up on what I'm putting down. So now there I was, the wedding was starting and I've just peed through a lace strainer that I went out of my way to stop and purchase. I didn't have a back up pair of anything so I had no choice but to remove the thong and put it in the trashcan. The small, uncovered, probably gold with a cross trashcan that was in some sort of holy quarters.
We rushed into the chapel and I took a seat in the back. I thought the further away I was from the guy in the robe, the better I'd be. After all, I was sitting in the house of the Lord on a Saturday morning in the dead of spring with nothing on but an inappropriate dress and a smile.The wedding was beautiful and I'm not sure how many people other than Tilda and the bride know what happened. Well, besides God and the poor, poor person that found that peed up thong in the father's trashcan. Whoopsie!
- Penny Eve
Feb 7, 2011
WELCOME!
After years of unimaginable shenanigans with the one and only Matilda B., we decided to take a stab at something people have been telling us for years- Sharing our radass stories. If I had a dollar for every time someone has told us that we should write a book, I’d have about $38 by now. Woah.
Back when the only reality tv around was The Real World (cue John’s “TRUE STORRREY” sound bite), people told us constantly that we should have a camera crew follow us around to capture said shenanigans for the sheer entertainment purpose for others. Well, that never happened and the book isn’t in process either. So, next best thing? This blog.
I hope you stick around for a while and if you ever have any questions you can reach both Penny & Tilda at
superjuiceblog at gmail dot com
- Penny Eve
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