Sometime around midnight the night before, I tried on the dress I was planning on wearing to a spring, day time wedding in a Catholic church four hours away. Due to some "weight fluctuation issues" I couldn't fit into anything appropriate enough for said wedding. This little mishap required me to stop at the Devil's Haven (the mall) on the way out of town to buy a new freaking dress. As with most women, my "weight fluctuation issues" made it rather difficult to find a semi formal dress in under 15 minutes........so this task quickly turned into a fucking Super Market Sweep game at Macy's. I finally settled on a black lace over nude halter number, because - duh, it was a springtime day wedding at a Catholic church.
I had to change into the dress as we arrived in the city only to realize that I forgot to bring underwear. Yes, panties, underroos, skivies, britches. I didn't have them. One last stop at a random clothing store to purchase a teeny, tiny black lace thong and I was finally set. The thong was still in the bag with tags and although I frown against wearing anything before it is washed, I just had to hope for the best.
Frantic because the wedding was starting, I asked Tilda to come to the bathroom with me so I could pee & de-tag my new genital threads. The only bathroom we could find was in the bride's dressing room which was something like a nun's chambers or father's quarters. (I don't really recall, but it was most definitely some holy place with a toilet.) For the simple fact that it was me & Matilda we were already cracking up at something and there was lots of giggling and rushing around. I ran to the toilet with the bag in hand and pulled my dress up, popped a squat and finally got to pee. A lot.
It just wasn't feeling right when I looked down and saw that I had already put the thong on and how now peed through/on the stupid thing. I don't need to inform you that Tilda was laughing so hard she almost peed herself as well, because you should already be picking up on what I'm putting down. So now there I was, the wedding was starting and I've just peed through a lace strainer that I went out of my way to stop and purchase. I didn't have a back up pair of anything so I had no choice but to remove the thong and put it in the trashcan. The small, uncovered, probably gold with a cross trashcan that was in some sort of holy quarters.
We rushed into the chapel and I took a seat in the back. I thought the further away I was from the guy in the robe, the better I'd be. After all, I was sitting in the house of the Lord on a Saturday morning in the dead of spring with nothing on but an inappropriate dress and a smile.The wedding was beautiful and I'm not sure how many people other than Tilda and the bride know what happened. Well, besides God and the poor, poor person that found that peed up thong in the father's trashcan. Whoopsie!
- Penny Eve
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